Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The (de) Composition


Imagine Life.
Like stiff, crumbling toasted bread
With a tendency for softness at the center
And butter.
Butter yellow like sunshine on windy days.
Imagine Life.
And imagine what follows.
Not Death, but something more real.
Something more real.

Writing and Editing are entirely different talents
(I know because my Teachers told me so in classrooms with painted walls)
But Rewriting
(They ignored explaining because even Teachers get scared)
Is not for the faint of heart.
How can one try to alter what has been written
-Something Permanent-
And expect no trouble? No complications?
What happens as you cause the words to detach from their prison of paper
And float away into the narrow space between O and its tiny 2?
Where do they go? What happens to the sounds
You’ve displaced? And flopping around like dead fish,
The ideas uncompleted?
Rewriting is dangerous!
I’m not convinced it’s even possible.
Best to lay aside the whole thing and start anew.
Best to lay aside the pencil because it’s permanent.
Best to Write carefully.

Decomposing in the forest
Is my book of lyric prose
Page by page by page by page
Returning its borrowed words
To the poetry of rosy leaves and stark limbs
Like broken toothpicks and shoeless shoelaces and only one earring
Who cease to Be
But potential for something else
Something new
Something not made not broken not
Absent.
Something.

the House


I entered the front door without you, but you found me on the way.
If I look you in the eye,
you will see I’m nervous
and I am not sure
                                                what to do.

I desire
to lay down in the beige velvet flowerbed
(before the house was empty it resembled a couch)
and soak in the peeling wallpaper and large wooden doorways with
doors painted white on only one side.
The naked wood glares like an exposed secret.
I am scared you trust me too much.

Behind me
the lovers,
                her hand in his
                she leans in
and he leans back
in the dining room like a wide portrait in the
wall of the living room
with its sitting chairs of dark curving wood
and my bed of monochromatic flowers
wobbling in the breeze.
The velvet smells of ginger and chocolate.

You seem somehow different from the day before,
your silhouette against the window.

The brass chandelier
                three crystals short and one electric bulb teetering dangerously off to the side
relaxing its arms and dripping lazily to the floor,
growing roots into the hardwood and stretching out through the room,
produces oblong clusters of crystal fruits.

There is a time when things are supposed to be right.
When the clock hand clanks and the footstep falls and the
air
squeezed into the room like water
suddenly comes bursting out the windows and the
wall seams and the
one-sided doors.
But I am afraid to meet your eye
and prefer to huddle in this growing forest of obscurity.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Cellular Ancestry Project


What follows here is an entirely factual account of a photoreceptor cell belonging to my eye. It has been on a remarkable journey, much like the rest of the cells composing my being; indeed, I am the cumulative product of many, many wonderful journeys of all types. This was of course, exactly how the entire process took place. I know because I asked, and this is was the cell said:

                The Beginning could have happened in anyone’s universe, but it didn’t.
                Before charts and tables, before catalogues and clocks, a Nothing became quite suddenly Everything. A flood of energy rushed through the newly crowded emptiness; an elegant violence sweeping the dust clouds into whirlwinds around each other. 
                Within this broiling stew of chemistry was a particular particle of a star; the wispy spirit of shining dust, clumping like silent snowflakes to the burning velvet fabric of a new universe. This world was crowded, busy, bustling with action, but with each passing moment, it grew colder and colder and farther apart. Novel things were happening in this universe; gasses condensing into balls of fury, magnetic fields arching into regular patterns, planets falling into position. Novel things were happening, but not right here. Not yet. The stardust moseyed on. What are the odds that our particular piece of stardust would, after waiting patiently for so long, be picked up by a passing barrage of rock? Probably unclimatically high. Our little hitchhiker bummed past woven galaxies, just beginning to spin. It was a very special time, but it didn’t realize this, or even particularly marvel at the novelty; it hadn’t yet found its purpose. And quite suddenly, it was distracted.
                This barrage of rock, a veritable rainstorm of rock, was plummeting into a planet’s foaming surface; hurling with such force as to be incinerated on impact. Or, well, almost incinerated. The little piece of stardust plunked into this warm primordial stew and sank farther and farther, gently into its murky depths, rich with nutrients, rich with pieces, rich with possibilities. The spark fell and it fell into Place: the last piece in a structure that had been almost completed maybe only a handful of times before, maybe millions of times, but still it remained, now completed. The Beginning of a universe of a different sort. This structure was novel, different from anything the young planet had ever before known. This structure was Compelled. This structure, the first ever, Wanted.
                And it was lonely.
                This first Being, knowing no thing as great and as well put together as itself, soaked in the nearby resources and created another Being in its image. This second Being was filled with much the same compulsion as the first, and it too copied and copied and copied. There was so much world to be filled!
                And so it went, copy after copy after living Being. But something was different… each time, each Being, each copy… they were not each done perfectly. The changes were little at first, slight errors in transcription, small modifications in chemical structures, but with time, they accumulated. New cells moved. New cells swam and ate and needed other cells to reproduce. New cells were hungry. The changes didn’t stop. With each new altered copy and altered copy of that altered copy, the Beings became completely unrecognizable from the First. They began to share, passing information only between those that resembled themselves. They divided into clans. The world around them changed too and some Beings survived better and longer and made more of themselves to populate the expanses of ocean around them.
                It started to get a bit crowded again, and not all could eat all the time, and this being a different era than today, population control was a very natural phenomenon. They began to compete. Some organisms did a poor job of gaining nutrients and died, not bothering to pass on their genetic blueprints in a coherent manner. Some organisms discovered they were advantaged and replicated incessantly. Some organisms learned to attack and steal. Some learned to sense.
                There was one Being in particular. It developed a Spot.
                This Spot was just a bit of pigment to begin with, but this bacterium (because this Being was indeed a bacterium), it realized this Spot could Sense. There were spaces in the world that were bright and spaces in the world that were dark. It learned there were spaces in the world that contained food and this food liked certain brightness, or maybe it learned that its chloroplasts created more energy in places that were bright. This special bacterium could not determine any more detail than that, but seeing as how it didn’t know there was more detail to be discerned, we can hardly expect it to be disappointed. It was, of course, thrilled, as I feel any of us would be in such an unusual circumstance.
                So while this bacterium may have been the first, it certainly wasn’t the Only to develop a sensitive photoreceptive Spot; numerous other Beings independently developed their own Spots. More Beings followed and more Spots, too: some bigger, some more complex, some with more cells, some with funny shapes. These Spots were partly responsible for the first brain, too, as I think we could all agree that it’s hardly rational to have a sensory-organizing mechanism before one has senses to organize.
                During an era, later called the Cambrian Explosion, something incredible, but probably not miraculous occurred. A slight structural development led to a huge grammatical revolution and this Spot became an Eye; a Spot had curved in just a little. The Being lucky enough to have such an Eye began to discern direction in light. This was apparently useful because it became an extremely popular trend, very quickly, and populations skyrocketed. Every Being wanted an Eye! Each succeeding generation exaggerated the fashion a little farther, until eventually, some Beings were sporting full-on depressions: whole Spots dipping in like cups on the surface. They were proud of these developments. No one could discern light directions like they could. They could move faster now, with more assurance towards food and sunlight and possible mates (if they were sexual of course… there was some discrimination even in these early times), and with greater alertness away from the more competitive, or hungrier, types. They could distinguish detail in their world with more clarity than anything ever before.
                Time continued to pass, as it will, and the sensory cup deepened and deepened until it became a chamber, forming an eye very much like the pinhole camera you might know of today. As the size of the pinhole opening reduced, the Beings gained true imaging, fine-tuning their directional sensing and even becoming capable of limited shape-detection-- a useful tool. Every step forward meant more and more detail; a greater understanding of one’s world; a greater ability to time one’s actions to the sun or the moon for the best reproductive or energy or resource-acquiring results.
                The pinhole chamber was rather delicate of course, being so complex and strangely shaped. The process started by the little piece of stardust was not complete (and indeed continues today in such a manner of development). Transparent cells grew like weeds throughout the empty chamber space, preventing parasitic infestations and contamination and ultraviolet radiation and anything else in the liquid world that could get caught up in the ingress, while still allowing light to enter. The fine cells of the chamber, then protected, began to specialize, fine-tuning their refractive abilities to discern greater and greater details (even color! what a whole, unbelievable new world). More pigments meant more colors, and these eyes specialized in absorbing a narrow range of wavelengths-- the only two, blue and green visible light, which could travel through the water of their aquatic habitats. It was all the Beings really needed at the time. Some of these specializing cells even granted the ability to maintain sight in or out of the water… fast becoming a valuable tool as the Beings began to emerge onto land! Cones and rods developed in response; distinctions between night- and day-vision grew more important on these dry surfaces. Air was a less forgiving medium for light than water.
                These transparent cells continued to be an invaluable development: the cells over the pinhole eye’s aperture divided into two layers, separated by a clear liquid. This sandwich effect thickened the eye cover to allow greater physical protection and the circulation of oxygen, nutrients, wastes, and immune functions. The multiple liquid and solid layers, naturally forming a biconvex structure, increased the Being’s optical power, viewing angles, and image resolution. They felt empowered with these high-powered lenses. But, maintaining these transparent layers of cells was difficult and required too much energy for Vertebrate Beings. The eye lenses began to be composed of specialized epithelial cells, saturated with crystallin protein, and the nontransparent, living cellular machinery began to be removed at the Being’s birth so it could see. This means, of course, that the lens is dead cells, packed with crystallins, enough to last the Being’s entire life. Relative crystallin concentrations, rather than its simple presence, make the lens functional. Dead cells were easier to maintain, with no need to supply nutrients or carry out wastes.
                And still, it was not enough! Sight made Beings more capable. Better sight made Beings more capable.
                Independent transparent and nontransparent layers split forward from the lens creating a separate cornea and iris. This separation, like before, was also maintained by a circulatory liquid in between, which additionally assists in refractive power. More blood vessels and more circulation meant larger eyes and greater views (important, as the Beings grew larger and stood taller). Larger eyes meant more optical imperfections though, fortunately largely masked by the nontransparent ring around the perimeter of the lens.
                The greater development of a Being’s central nervous system and brain proved to be rather important in assisting this complex system. Photons absorbed by a chromophore, were converted into electrical energy by a chemical reaction and then relayed to the visual cortex. The brain would process this information and sends instructions (if necessary) to the Being’s muscles (now so much more intricate than the first Being’s smooth wiggles).
               
                The structure of the eye records its evolutionary history. The vertebrate Being’s eye, now located within my own head, is built backwards and upside down, which necessitates the passage of photons through a whole mess of substances -- the cornea, lens, fluid, blood vessels, ganglion cells, amacrine cells, horizontal cells, and bipolar cells -- before they reach the important light-sensitive rods and cones, who can then send this information to my brain. This odd process allows my outer retina to maintain a higher metabolic activity though, than the “right way out” eye.
                It is my opinion that all creatures are imbued with a similar level of silliness. It’s entirely an awesome wonder we, as full human beings, function at all, seeing as how we are such an agglomeration of all this absurdity
                My photoreceptive cell has a long history and reflected within its pigments are the origins of the universe. It seems even mundane tasks are ennobled by the knowledge that they are being watched by the long-developed child of the stars.


Saturday, April 21, 2012

So many options...

Oh layout! Why must you be so elusive? I shall decide on one sooner or later...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The City



Bells clamor somewhere within the city,
their deep tones bouncing off the painted stone walls like
delirious beetles.

A tired art renovator holds the cigarette like a
paintbrush, the drooping ashes
reflected in his greying eyes.
He lets the smoke from his lungs trickle out to fill the ambience of the
orange-painted restaurant
and sighs as his change jingles in the waiter’s wicker basket.
He laments a hatred for coins and leaves
too large of a tip.

A yellow haze clings to the city,
sinking low like sweet  honey within the straight-walled streets and
dripping from the fizzing glow within twisted iron lamps
suspended above uneven cobblestones.
He ambles on through the slowly pooling golden cloud,
his shadow stretching and racing circles around his feet.
Why is it
these streets wind
like feathered serpents over the hills?
And the
squarish houses tumble over one another like
so many ill-placed tetris blocks?
These labyrinthine corridors can test a man’s endurance
in unraveling spools of string trailing the path behind
the path all the way to the beginning.
So often do they cross now and overlap…
I’m certain I have not the time to
unravel the entire knot and so…
He walks.

A poet prophesies in a foreign tongue at the rim of the fountain
and laments a crude language.

Somewhere overhead a sliver of a sluggish moon receives a prayer.

He runs a thinning hand through thinning hair and
throws open the windows.
I want to sleep to the
sound of the city
tonight.

An empty box of matches


Candles dance upon a stair,
Sit you there to block the wind.
How do we keep them 
burning?

So fragile the flames that keep us here.

If only we could share these moments
in celebration of peace.
Here’s to the future.
Cheers.

Monday, April 9, 2012

I found my Feet today, but Now I don't Know what to Do with Them


In this house
there should be walls painted in words and
ceilings high enough to let ideas
circulate and
a hammock underneath it all for me…
Where have all the thoughts gone?

I’ve been in a state of
disarray so long it’s
strange to look down and see
my feet below my knees.

Maybe I’ve finally gone crazy?

Suddenly is sudden but
sudden can take a very gradual long time.
I spent all day doubting.
They tell me doubt makes conviction stronger.
I’ll let you know how it goes
once I find what I did
with my conviction.
It seems to be lost more often than not
of late.

A leaf floated down the glassy surface of the river,
standing upon its shaft of a shadow.
Crazy or not, I swear
I saw a glow around the shadow
and I wondered how it worked
but it floated away and
I couldn’t exactly grab at it.

Where should I wander from here?
Now that I have feet,
I rather think I’d like only to wander
the backyard.
Is it wrong to be without ambitions?
They only seem to get people hurt.
To start to sing would be a waste of air...

We are so young.
So why do I feel so old?